You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
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i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Vodka?
Forever.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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