I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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