If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
