I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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