It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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