We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.