I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
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I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
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and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.