she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.