i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
