2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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