Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize