she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
