Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
