I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
