My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
