first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
