Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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