We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I showed him my bush... on skype.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
