Sponge bath it is.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
