People in love make me want to vomit
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
