one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
