I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
