You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
