Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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