I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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