jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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