well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
