Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
