If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize