No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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