ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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