I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
