i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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