apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
