That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
