They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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