Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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