I wannas sexs uuuuu
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
