when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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