what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
