Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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