oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
