omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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