i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
