so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
