Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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