when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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