I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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