So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
