I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
