Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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