Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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