it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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