I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
