Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
