Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
