Christians are straight up FREAKS
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
