He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
