did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
