But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
