he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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