he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She told me I should be a condom model.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize