I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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