I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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