No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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