The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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