Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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