I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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