U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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