i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
