i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
