I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
