do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
