Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
