So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
