i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My ATM looks so different sober.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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