I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I need a beard to bite.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
